wendycagur
9th June 2012, 11:57 AM
Correspondent: What do you think of the
F-4?
Captain: It's so fuckin' maneuverable you
can fly up your own ass with it.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he has found the F4C
Phantom highly maneuverable at all
altitudes and he considers it an excellent
aircraft for all missions assigned.
Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that
you've flown a certain number of missions
over North Vietnam. What did you think of
the SAMs used by the North Vietnamese?
Captain: Why those bastards couldn't hit a
bull in the ass with a bass fiddle. We fake
the shit out of them. There's no sweat.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that the Surface-to-Air
Missiles around Hanoi pose a serious
problem to our air operations and that the
pilots have a healthy respect for them.
Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that
you've flown missions to the South. What
kind of ordnance do you use, and what
kind of targets do you hit?
Captain: Well, I'll tell you, mostly we aim at
kicking the shit out of Vietnamese villages,
and my favorite ordnance is napalm. Man,
that stuff just sucks the air out of their
friggin' lungs and makes a sonovabitchin'
fire.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that air strikes in South
Vietnam are often against Viet Cong
structures and all operations are always
under the positive control of Forward Air
Controllers, or FACs. The ordnance
employed is conventional 500- and 750-
pound bombs and 20-millimeter cannon
fire.
Correspondent: I suppose you spent an R &
R in Hong Kong. What were your
impressions of the Oriental girls?
Captain: Yeah, I went to Hong Kong. As for
those Oriental broads, well, I don't care
which way the runway runs, east or west,
north or south--a piece of ass is a piece of
ass.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he found the delicately
featured oriental girls fascinating, and he
was very impressed with their fine
manners and thinks their naivete is most
charming.
Correspondent: Tell me, Captain, have you
flown any missions other than over North
and South Vietnam?
Captain: You bet your sweet ass I've flown
other missions. We get scheduled nearly
every day on the trail in Laos where those
fuckers over there throw everything at you
but the friggin' kitchen sink. Even the
goddamn kids got slingshots.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he has occasionally
been scheduled to fly missions in the
extreme Western DMZ, and he has a
healthy respect for the flak in that area.
Correspondent: I understand that no one in
your Fighter Wing has got a MIG yet. What
seems to be the problem?
Captain: Why you screwhead, if you knew
anything about what you're talking about--
the problem is MIGs. If we'd get scheduled
by those peckerheads at Seventh for those
missions in MIG Valley, you can bet your
ass we'd get some of those mothers. Those
glory hounds at Ubon get all those missions
while we settle for fightin' the friggin' war.
Those mothers at Ubon are sitting on their
fat asses killing MIGs and we get stuck with
bombing the god damned cabbage
patches.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
Captain means is that each element in the
Seventh Air Force is responsible for doing
their assigned job in the air war. Some units
are assigned the job of neutralizing enemy
air strength by hunting out MIGs, and other
elements are assigned bombing missions
and interdiction of enemy supply routes.
Correspondent: Of all the targets you've hit
in Vietnam, which one was the most
satisfying?
Captain: Well, shit, it was when we were
scheduled for the suspected VC vegetable
garden. I dropped napalm in the middle of
the fuckin' cabbage and my wingman
splashed it real good with six of those 750-
pound mothers and spread the fire all the
way to friggin' beets and carrots.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that the great variety of
tactical targets available throughout Vietnam
make the F4C the perfect aircraft to provide
flexible response.
Correspondent: What do you consider the
most difficult target you've struck in North
Vietnam?
Captain: The friggin' bridges. I must have
dropped 40 tons of bombs on those
swayin' bamboo mothers, and I ain't hit
one of the bastards yet.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that interdicting bridges
along enemy supply routes is very
important and a quite difficult target. The
best way to accomplish this task is to crater
the approaches to the bridge.
Correspondent: I noticed in touring the base
that you have aluminum matting on the
taxiways. Would you care to comment on
its effectiveness and usefulness in Vietnam?
Captain: You're fuckin' right, I'd like to make
a comment. Most of us pilots are well hung,
but shit, you don't know what hung is until
you get hung up on one of the friggin'
bumps on that god damn stuff.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that the aluminum matting
is quite satisfactory as a temporary
expedient, but requires some finesse in
taxiing and braking the aircraft.
Correspondent: Did you have an
opportunity to meet your wife on leave in
Honolulu, and did you enjoy the visit with
her?
Captain: Yeah, I met my wife in Honolulu,
but I forget to check the calendar, so the
whole five days were friggin' well combat-
proof--a completely dry run.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that it was wonderful to
get together with his wife and learn first-
hand about the family and how things were
at home.
Correspondent: Thank you for your time,
Captain.
Captain: Screw you--why don't you
bastards print the real story, instead of all
that crap?
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he enjoyed the
opportunity to discuss his tour with you.
Correspondent: One final question. Could
you reduce your impression of the war to a
simple phrase or statement, Captain?
Captain: You bet your ass I can. It's a fucked
up war.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is...it's a FUCKED UP WAR.http://static.kaskus.co.id/images/smilies/iloveindonesias.gif
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F-4?
Captain: It's so fuckin' maneuverable you
can fly up your own ass with it.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he has found the F4C
Phantom highly maneuverable at all
altitudes and he considers it an excellent
aircraft for all missions assigned.
Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that
you've flown a certain number of missions
over North Vietnam. What did you think of
the SAMs used by the North Vietnamese?
Captain: Why those bastards couldn't hit a
bull in the ass with a bass fiddle. We fake
the shit out of them. There's no sweat.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that the Surface-to-Air
Missiles around Hanoi pose a serious
problem to our air operations and that the
pilots have a healthy respect for them.
Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that
you've flown missions to the South. What
kind of ordnance do you use, and what
kind of targets do you hit?
Captain: Well, I'll tell you, mostly we aim at
kicking the shit out of Vietnamese villages,
and my favorite ordnance is napalm. Man,
that stuff just sucks the air out of their
friggin' lungs and makes a sonovabitchin'
fire.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that air strikes in South
Vietnam are often against Viet Cong
structures and all operations are always
under the positive control of Forward Air
Controllers, or FACs. The ordnance
employed is conventional 500- and 750-
pound bombs and 20-millimeter cannon
fire.
Correspondent: I suppose you spent an R &
R in Hong Kong. What were your
impressions of the Oriental girls?
Captain: Yeah, I went to Hong Kong. As for
those Oriental broads, well, I don't care
which way the runway runs, east or west,
north or south--a piece of ass is a piece of
ass.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he found the delicately
featured oriental girls fascinating, and he
was very impressed with their fine
manners and thinks their naivete is most
charming.
Correspondent: Tell me, Captain, have you
flown any missions other than over North
and South Vietnam?
Captain: You bet your sweet ass I've flown
other missions. We get scheduled nearly
every day on the trail in Laos where those
fuckers over there throw everything at you
but the friggin' kitchen sink. Even the
goddamn kids got slingshots.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he has occasionally
been scheduled to fly missions in the
extreme Western DMZ, and he has a
healthy respect for the flak in that area.
Correspondent: I understand that no one in
your Fighter Wing has got a MIG yet. What
seems to be the problem?
Captain: Why you screwhead, if you knew
anything about what you're talking about--
the problem is MIGs. If we'd get scheduled
by those peckerheads at Seventh for those
missions in MIG Valley, you can bet your
ass we'd get some of those mothers. Those
glory hounds at Ubon get all those missions
while we settle for fightin' the friggin' war.
Those mothers at Ubon are sitting on their
fat asses killing MIGs and we get stuck with
bombing the god damned cabbage
patches.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
Captain means is that each element in the
Seventh Air Force is responsible for doing
their assigned job in the air war. Some units
are assigned the job of neutralizing enemy
air strength by hunting out MIGs, and other
elements are assigned bombing missions
and interdiction of enemy supply routes.
Correspondent: Of all the targets you've hit
in Vietnam, which one was the most
satisfying?
Captain: Well, shit, it was when we were
scheduled for the suspected VC vegetable
garden. I dropped napalm in the middle of
the fuckin' cabbage and my wingman
splashed it real good with six of those 750-
pound mothers and spread the fire all the
way to friggin' beets and carrots.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that the great variety of
tactical targets available throughout Vietnam
make the F4C the perfect aircraft to provide
flexible response.
Correspondent: What do you consider the
most difficult target you've struck in North
Vietnam?
Captain: The friggin' bridges. I must have
dropped 40 tons of bombs on those
swayin' bamboo mothers, and I ain't hit
one of the bastards yet.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that interdicting bridges
along enemy supply routes is very
important and a quite difficult target. The
best way to accomplish this task is to crater
the approaches to the bridge.
Correspondent: I noticed in touring the base
that you have aluminum matting on the
taxiways. Would you care to comment on
its effectiveness and usefulness in Vietnam?
Captain: You're fuckin' right, I'd like to make
a comment. Most of us pilots are well hung,
but shit, you don't know what hung is until
you get hung up on one of the friggin'
bumps on that god damn stuff.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that the aluminum matting
is quite satisfactory as a temporary
expedient, but requires some finesse in
taxiing and braking the aircraft.
Correspondent: Did you have an
opportunity to meet your wife on leave in
Honolulu, and did you enjoy the visit with
her?
Captain: Yeah, I met my wife in Honolulu,
but I forget to check the calendar, so the
whole five days were friggin' well combat-
proof--a completely dry run.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that it was wonderful to
get together with his wife and learn first-
hand about the family and how things were
at home.
Correspondent: Thank you for your time,
Captain.
Captain: Screw you--why don't you
bastards print the real story, instead of all
that crap?
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is that he enjoyed the
opportunity to discuss his tour with you.
Correspondent: One final question. Could
you reduce your impression of the war to a
simple phrase or statement, Captain?
Captain: You bet your ass I can. It's a fucked
up war.
Air Force Information Officer: What the
captain means is...it's a FUCKED UP WAR.http://static.kaskus.co.id/images/smilies/iloveindonesias.gif
</div>